I can't overstate the imprint on my psyche and my soul those barren years produced. For a young woman who gave casual assent to damaging sexual ideals, it was fairly shocking not to have children right away in married life. In hindsight, I am grateful for every necessary step, especially praying together and the painful conclusion that we may not ever physically bear children. At that conclusion, the only thing we had to overcome was our own egos, in order to consider adoption. Birth mothers (fathers too) who entrust their babies to another family have self-knowledge and courage of a caliber I can only ponder. God love them.
Real life began when we became parents, and I still find equal parts encouragement and panic in Peter De Vries idea that “the value of marriage is not that adults produce children. but that children produce adults.” The day may come when our circumstances merit actually learning the NFP method, and I don't moralize over other couples' decisions or struggles in this private matter. In the meantime -- limit this? No thank you. I'm called to limit everything else: material excess, leisure time, heady solo pursuits and even predictable sleep patterns. But another eternal soul may be called forth, and my family is at the service of a God whose generosity I know to include grace. Children are the visible sign of marital love fulfilled, which makes them a sacramental of sorts. It's also the way we all started out, so let's not get too big for our britches. If you're raising kids or at a stage when this makes sense to you -- just for today, envision your home with one more child, whether biological or adopted. Ask God to make the way clear. I offer my free advice with a handy money-back guarantee, as usual.
"The greatest gift you can give your child is another sibling."
Bl. John Paul II
Absolutely perfect!
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NFP just needs to be explained better to Catholics. Most aren't catechized sufficiently on what it is, and what the prudent use of it should be. I used the Creighton Model long before I was married to treat and cure my insane PMS. I have a biology degree, and I approach charting as a medical tool. (And loving your spouse while you both know that "its a fertile day" is entirely different from not knowing.) It can also be used very successfully for infertile couples wanting to conceive. As far as delaying pregnancy goes, the Church has always taught that we only do that for serious reasons, taken with huge doses of prayer, and being clear in conscience that we are being as generous as we can and not simply wanting more worldy goods instead, or less chaos in the house, or whatever. I also strongly urge women to learn the method before marriage, because if a serious issue arises unexpectedly, there will be much less stress on the marriage. I appreciate your candid post and encouragement to be open to new life!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Again.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime -- limit this? No thank you. I'm called to limit everything else: material excess, leisure time, heady solo pursuits and even predictable sleep patterns.
Great point. It's interesting that NFP is a mandatory part of marriage prep and this is seen as a "good thing"...it must be assumed that serious reasons for restricting children are the norm, and that the couple will certainly not want to have as many children as they can.
But another eternal soul may be called forth, and my family is at the service of a God whose generosity I know to include grace. Children are the visible sign of marital love fulfilled
Isn't it appropriate that since children are a visible sign of marital love, we now have so much less of them? God is clever, but not malicious, and the world belongs to those who show up for it...in a strange sense, birth control is God's secret weapon against the devil...
Ah Tiff. You make an expectant mother weep. Thanks for writing, really.
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